The Dr. Made me Wear a Mask

I’m flipping out. My health has not been in order since December 26th, 2007.
I had 2 what they said were sinus infections this year and was thrown on antibitotics. Weirdly, my sinuses never cleared up and I was left with nasty coughs and horrible retching and choking on my own fluids and eventually coughing so hard I would vomit – oh yeah and asthma attacks. I had this…the entire month of January into February.

I saw 3 doctors – one of them in England. My doctor here was not available so I saw the doctor on call. I told her that I’m a health nut and if another person tells me to take Emergen-C I’m going to commit murder. I take Esther-C daily whether it’s flu season or not, tons of vitamins (not a multi-vitamin – they are empty), I use a neti-pot for nasal irrigation and I eat right, careful to avoid meat at all costs (but plenty of protein) and I don’t eat any dairy that’s been shot up with hormones. I sleep more than 8 hours a night and I work out 5 days a week. I wash my hands to the tune of Happy Birthday with hot soap and water and I get acupuncture.

This is just to point out that I’m your above average healthy person. I normally get sick once a year for five measly days, if that. This year I didn’t get a flu shot and I was wondering if what I had was some flu or what? I found it odd that I kept seeing doctors and wasn’t able to get well. I have never been sick and unable to work for TWO MONTHS before. I found it shocking.

My doctor on call found it an opportunity to be condescending. She actually said to me, “Do you know that laying down can make the post nasal drip run down your throat? Have you tried sleeping propped up?” She says this to me as I sit there, like a zombie, in front of her. I hadn’t slept in two days because I couldn’t even sleep propped up or standing up the coughing was so incessant. Do I know that shit drips down your throat when you are horizontal? OF COURSE I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked her if airline travel three times in four weeks was a bit excessive in this season and does she think it NOT a good idea to give me more antibiotics since it ruins your immune system? She just stared at me.

Finally, this week I get back from Dallas. I’m looking forward to seeing Neil, a person I haven’t been well around for TWO MONTHS. I’m looking forward to seeing my girl-friend and her husband as we’re going on a weekend vacation with them. I haven’t socialized in TWO MONTHS.

I get off the plane from Dallas and within two hours I’m vomiting and have a fever of almost 100. I cancel a show I have to do that night at the UCB Theatre and I go to bed. The next day I feel a little better but then get socked with a 102 fever and an inability to move, open my eyes, feel anything but pain.

Neil drives me to the doctor and nearly cry every time we hit a pothole because my head hurts. I look mentally ill in the waiting room. I know I do. I’m in pajamas and have a wool cap over my eyes to shield myself from the light. I’m drenched in sweat. The doctor on call swabbed my nose and gave me a flu test.

What’s this? There is a flu test? Why the hell didn’t anyone ever flu test me before?
She says I have the flu but she can’t explain why I’ve had post nasal drip for 2 months. She gives me a mask to wear and says I’m highly contagious and I have a smart flu that keeps reinventing itself (like Madonna!) in my body over and over and over. That’s what has been happening, most likely. She prescribes TamiFlu – which kicks the virus’s ass but is not an antibiotic and I go home and sleep for 3 days.

As you can see, between the housebound-ness, the travelling and then getting sick routine I’ve been on and the fever and the aches, I’m in a shit mood.

The point of this blog is to let you all know that TamiFlu is out there. Your doctor can swab your nose and see if you have the flu. Don’t take their shit and stop with the antibiotics unless neccessary. And also – ouch. My back hurts. Going to lie down now.


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