Uh it turned out to be a big whoop

I wrote in my last blog, that pink cloud haze of loving England two hours after I landed, that I felt my cold coming back and if was sick, “big whoop” I would just go to a hospital.

Okay. I have been sick since December 26th. I’ve had a day or two of respite here and there. I NEVER get sick. I am one of those people who looks down on others for being sick. I am a health nut. I do mass amounts of Esther C, neti pot, all kinds of vitamins (not a multi-vitamin, that is not as potent). EVERYTHING. Trust me. I’m on it. I’m not even listing the other shit.

So, I got a sinus infection and had to use antibiotics which as you know weaken your immune system, I had to fly to Florida while on antibiotics. I also have asthma and then that made my bronchial cough worse. Then I flew to Europe still not having recovered from the 2 infections I previously had.

I spent the entire trip in England coughing up nasty yellow phelgm. I didn’t sleep one night. I kept saying that to my fellow comedian travellers and all but a few of them would look at me and say, “Yeah but how are your sets going?” Who fucking cares how my sets are going? I have not slept in 72 hours. I got advice like, “just drink coffee.” I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation and dry heaving from breathing trouble. It was a nightmare.

I saw Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Westminster and then took a 2.5 hour double decker bus tour which was nice but I used an entire box of tissues during that ride. I had the mother of all asthma attacks (haven’t had asthma attacs in years) in the hotel and was convinced I was going to die when even my inhaler didn’t help.

I went to the medi centre and was given more antibiotics for a sinus and bronchial infection. I was taking cough syrup, nasal crap, and just coughing to simply keep breathing. I could not take a breath without exploding into cough seizures – even with codeine cough syrup.

Yet, everyone had their advice. Have a throat lozenge! I mean, God those British are nice. Literally strangers on the street were handing me lozenges but I tend to get a tad defensive about health care. If I’m wheezing and miserable trust me the lozenge and Emergen-C has not worked.

Ugh. I made it through and managed to stop coughing 20 minutes to get through the TV taping. The make-up guy was horrified at my red, raw and peeling skinned nose – we just gave up trying to cover it after a while.

Every night I went to bed at 11pm and lay in bed until 7 a.m. when I heard the trains in Victoria station start running. I literally would not sleep that entire time. I listened to This American Life podcasts and watched CNN all night. I used a sleep mask, codeine, herbs, hot milk, meditation, nothing. Up. Up. Up. On Los Angeles time or possibly anxious about sleeping and not breathing.
Usually around 8 a.m. I would fall asleep until noon.

I’m sure London is great and has great food and museums but I missed most of it. I get the picture though. I must stop travelling to cold places in the dead of their winters. I’m the luckiest girl in the world living in Los Angeles and I go to Boston and England in December and January – what a friggin idiot. I hate snow. I hate cold air. I hate weather. I want to go somewhere tropical. You hear me God? Of course not. You’ve disconnected my line to you, jerkface.

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