Please Don’t Make Me Call India

Oh crap. I’m going to have to call India. I hate, hate, hate Dell Customer Service. I hate talking to reps in India. It’s not that I have a hard time understanding their accents or accepting the fact that their name is “Meg” but either it’s a tech gap or they are not listening and desparately reading some manual but it takes at least ten seconds, count it, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 for the rep to answer my question.

And no matter how smoothly I lay it out, they insist on going down the list of problem-solving questions with no seemingly speedy-good-old-American-let’s-just-get-this-over-with-gusto.
Me: “Hi. I turned on my computer this morning after it was off all night. The last thing I did before turning it off was to check email using Microsoft Outlook. This morning it asked me for a password to log on. I’ve had this computer for 4 years and I’m the only one who uses it and so I’m very confused. I’ve never set it for a password so it’s not that I forgot it, I never did it.”

“Meg” in India: “I understand.”
(beat, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10)

Me: Hello?

“Meg” in India: “You forgot your password today ma’am?”

Me: Uh, no. Did you catch any of what I said?

“Meg” in India: “I understand.”

Now I’m wondering if I’m talking to a recording like when Howard Stern uses old tapes of his father to prank call people. Meg continues and asks me every question that I just answered. I ask her if she heard me and if we can skip this part. She then says, “Just to let you know your warranty for service expired in 2005.” I say, “Okay. Does that mean I have to pay for this call?”

Silence. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
“Meg” in India: “I understand.”

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND? CAN I NOT DO THIS PASSWORD FINDING OUT THINGY WITHOUT A WARRANTY?

“Meg” in India: “No.”

NO WHAT? NO I CAN’T? OR NO I’M WRONG?

“Meg” in India: Silence. (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10) We don’t have to take care of that now.

Okkkkay. So we painstakingly take 25 minutes for me to basically log on to Safe Mode and remove the password needing need. And it’s done. But freaking 25 minutes? It was slow and I was terrified the battery was going to run out on my home phone and I’d have to sit and wait for Meg to call back or horribly enough re-dial and do this all again.

As I’m trying to hang up and she’s saying 10 different ways, “Is there anything else I can help you with?” She then asks, “What part of the States are you in?” I tell her California. Now, old “Meg” comes to life and is totally off-book. Is it warm there? What kind of life do I lead? I think she meant to ask what do I do for a living, but I rather enjoy being asked what kind of life I lead. It made me stop for a second and maybe she couldn’t stand the pause because she quickly said, “Uh…so is that all you need today?”

And I never answered her, what kind of life I lead. I just said, “That’s all, Meg.”

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