Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I saw a terrifying thing today in my home office. I hate what I saw so much I don’t even like to write it. It’s a type of bug that will survive a nuclear war. This bug is often found in cities, rather than suburbs. Sometimes they are small and many, sometimes one, gets in. They remind me of small lobsters. Are we clear? Don’t anyone dare post pictures of said bug or write the name of it in the comments or I will lose my shit. I am not kidding.
I have been huddled on my couch under a blanket since 3pm. I wanted to go on a hike today but that would involve me grabbing my sneakers and keys, both in the room that I saw the bug in. I am just sitting here. I have nothing left to watch on my DVR, I’m just pecking away at this laptop, my real computer in the other room, that I’m longing to sit at.
I WAS having the best day. Did some work from home this morning for this part time job I have, had some tea, did some of my own writing, had NewsRadio on TBS on in the background, forgot how much I love that show and then I decide to go hiking. I went to look for headphones and peeked behind Neil’s computer and bang, the bug was so big that it took a full count of five, for me to realize that it was a bug. I thought it was a small box, or a baby dinosaur. It was just sitting totally still. I freaked. I cried. I screamed. I ran out of the room. IDIOT!
I left my purse, on the floor, near the THING, as well as my sneakers. This thing was so big it was beyond me getting the can of RAID. No way would RAID work and I felt like this thing could fly, and I didn’t want it reeling in my face.
So I ran into the bedroom and felt like I had a million bugs crawling on me. i ran down the hall screaming, my neighbors probably think I’m getting raped and if they do, screw them, because they have not checked on me yet. I called Neil. He’ll be home soon. But at 3pm getting home at 6 was not soon. I don’t know where this baby dinosaur is but I hope that it’s asleep and in the same place so Neil can kill it, or put it in a museum or wrestle with it. It’s so big Neil could get tried for murder so I really appreciate him taking this bullet for me.
If he doesn’t find it, this is going to severly screw up my ability to write from home every day. I didn’t quit my job to share a home office with a baby dinosaur or a city lobster.
And before you tell me that my house isn’t clean. It’s clean. It’s a really nice Spanish style building in West Hollywood, a four plex, not a huge complex, and we have a housekeeper and then me, the other housekeeper. We don’t keep anything on the floor, dishes are washed, no food anywhere, etc.
The plumber did come last week to install new pipes and he knocked out the wall in the office and left a big hole there for two days. I think this guy crawled in during that. I feel like he’s been watching me for the last two days, maybe he was politely trying not to get in my way. The hole is patched up now. Which I guess is a good thing, unless millions of baby dinosaurs have flooded out and the hole has PATCHED THEM INTO MY OFFICE. I am afraid to get off this couch and look down the hall. I feel like its’ standing up in the office doorway with it’s arms/legs/things folded and staring at me like, “Grow up.”