I’m procrastinating writing this list of what I do here so that my bosses can know how to train the new person so I’m un-doing my desk. I’ve removed:

A picture of Joan Rivers sitting at Carson’s desk for her first appearance. It’s a significant photo, for me, at least. All my hopes and dreams went into it everyday.

A picture of ARod doing a dumb move at Fenway playing against the Sox. The word “feeble” is in the headline which at one time, that word, was a private joke b/w me and someone here. Don’t remember why but it was.

My Bea Arthur pin that says, “I’m a Dorothy.”

I’m packing up all my hand lotions and green tea.

A picture of Neil from when he had a buzz cut that I didn’t like.

A card from a friend reminding me that she appreciates me.

A picture of a cat that looks like my dead cat mitty.

An article about the Cure, touring AGAIN, back last year.

A few pictures of Kirkman Flakes, the old soap company from the 1880’s.

Ditch this fountain that doesn’t work and gets everything wet.

Ditch the vase I never used that I swore I would put “fresh cut flowers” in every Monday. That promise was made over 11 months ago.

Throw out this Stop Violence Against Women scarf that is so ugly and scratch-y it makes me want to commit violence against the cheap-ass HR people who thought it an appropriate token.

I’ll miss this fleece blanket that has the logo of one of our dead shows on it. I wrapped it around myself at the desk in summer, when the A/C made the room so cold I could see my breath and I drank hot chocolate.

I am taking down this ironically placed “Sexual Harrasment in the Workplace” poster that I got at a 4-hour seminar. See if you can guess what is okay and what isn’t.

#1. Patsy tells John to take fewer breaks.

This is “okay” and is considered the “Green Zone.” Phew!

#2. Sam winks at Pam and says, “You look nice today.”

Hmm. This is “Proceed with Caution.” You’re in the “Yellow Zone.”

#3.Bill says to Louise, “Go out with me and I’ll make sure you get that promotion.”

Danger! This is Red Zone! Don’t Walk!

Yes, this seminar was for ADULTS. I know. I know.

I can’t change the workplace. I can only leave it in T-minus-4 days.


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