I’m an L.A. asshole


I guess I suck. I never know what anyone I’m calling (customer service related) knows about L.A.

If I have to call somewhere where I’m dealing with Customer Service, I often have chit-chat with the person on the phone. Some people I reach ask me, “Are you at the beach?”

I say, “No. I live like 15 miles from it. I should go more often.”

CS Person, “Yeah! You Should! I can’t believe you live in L.A. and you don’t go to the beach! What’s wrong with you?”

Me, “Nothing is wrong with me. I live far from it. I DO go. I’m just not there right now.”

Or, I called another company. I didn’t know the reps were located in Canada. He asked my city and I said, “Los Angeles” and he said, “I’m sorry, what state is Los Angeles in? I’m from Canada.”

He said it all snotty like as if to imply that I am L.A. centric. Okay, an unborn bird spirit knows that L.A. is in CA. Do they not? Or am I an L.A. asshole?

So I just called 411 to get the number for Urth Caffe and trust me, I have trouble with 411 operators. They never know what I’m saying, have blatantly told me that places people and things don’t exist simply because they are spelling it wrong and never think to ask, ‘How is that spelled?’

So I said, “Urth Caffe on Melrose? Oh! And it’s spelled Urth, U-R-…”

I was cut off with, “Uh, I know how Urth Caffe is spelled.”

Well, how am I supposed to know that you know?

I mean, back to Canada. I’ve been a lot. My ancestory is from Montreal. And I think that I know what cities are in what parts. But I assume how could you not know Los Angeles is in California???? Like it or not, American culture is grossly splayed all over the world. Has he never seen or heard of Entourage? Or Curb Your Enthusiasm? or seen episods of Sex and the City where they go to L.A.? Annie Hall?

And this guy worked for Geek Squad. I couldn’t be the only person from L.A. who has called.

Seriously people. Don’t be dumb-asses! I know America is not the world but in a way it sort of is and I don’t want it to be but maybe you’re just rebelling against knowing where L.A. is and kudos to you but on another level, don’t piss me off.

Of course I just giggled. “No. You’re not an idiot. That’s okay. There are lots of Los Angeles’s.”

He says, “There are?”

And I say….”I think so.”

Now who’s the dumb-ass?


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