Make It Stop

I swear if one more producer or person in the entertainment industry tries to get me pumped up on the following things:

1.) Everyone is going to have their own little “On Demand” world where they can program all of the programming in their day, from TV, to radio, blah, blah, blah.

2.) Your stand-up could be broadcast on cell phones everywhere!

3.) Internet is the new TV! TV is the new movies! There is no more movie industry and pretty soon no more TV industry.

ARRGGH! I did not aspire to be in this business to be seen on a cell phone or a computer. First of all, I didn’t aspire to anything. I just like to act, write and perform. So my ideal way to beam my message to all earthlings would be books, stage, film and TV. I’ve done enough stand-up in NYC, where the bartender turns off the Yankees game and says, “Okay! The comedy is starting.” It wasn’t easy performing for people who found you an annoyance before you even began talking. And now you want me to get pumped up about being on someone’s cell phone? What is more annoying than that?

I like the internet. I like to send emails. I love to blog on myspace. I like meeting people from all over. But that’s it. I wish it was glorified pen pals and nothing more. I watch video on the internet because I’m bored at work or procrastinating writing when I’m home. But I don’t need to see videos on my computer. I don’t need to watch tv shows on my ipod.

When I was a kid, I was sooo obsessed with Moonlighting that I’d hold my audio cassette recorder up to the TV to tape the dialogue and then listen in my walkman at school. I felt very cool to have David and Maddie bantering in my ear, such an adult show, such a cool 5th grader. Wow! But now. I suppose, if I was that kid, I’d have an Ipod and I could download television to it. Eh. Not as romantic. It’s allowed. It’s encouraged. I don’t want to do it.

I just don’t like this new wave of entertainment where the artist is now supposed to think like a marketing person. “So, why should we put your show on TV, when people will just steal it and put it on You Tube?”

I don’t know! Didn’t you go to college for this type of thing? I rolled around in a leotard in college and played in a sketch group that only spoofed the writing of Edgar Allen Poe, and you want me to figure out how to “make a viral campaign?” Go away!

I was driving to work today listening to some Carole King song on the oldies station and wondering what the L.A. corner I was on was like in 1972…no cell phones, no laptops, no Hummers, just people maybe…talking? Looking hot in bell-bottoms and scarves? I love it.

Please, don’t come up to me after shows and tell me that you want to help me get my act on the itnternet. I don’t want it there. I barely want the video on Myspace up. Don’t act taken aback when I’m not excited or I fall asleep when you talk to me about how you’re making an internet tv show. I don’t agree with it. I don’t like it. I like having 3 networks and watching good shows like they used to make. And I know, that kind of limited entertainment option lessens the chance of me ever having a career in TV but I don’t care. All of you can go talk aobut paperclips, envelopes, pens, pencils and other very exciting start-up.com office supply talk, I’ll be here on stage, old school style.

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