What Brad and Angelina’s wedding is going to be like – I was there last night in my dreams so I can tell you all about it.
First off, it took place at the Needham Golf Club in Massachusetts where both of my sister’s weddings were – where I spent many a night waitressing other people’s weddings, trying not to pour hot coffee on myself as the band leader jumped into the crowd to sing to bridesmaids.
Anyway it was a small affair with no waitstaff. Only 3 round tables. One long table was set up for appetizers. The band was set up at the bar so it was hard to get a drink but Brad was there, dressed in some sort of FEMA type emergency gear, taking drink orders, shouting over the band and handing drinks to people. He was not accepting tips.
Angelina was shy sitting at a round table with a bunch of people from her charity working society. She had on black jeans and a black tee, her hair back in a ponytail. She did have really overdone French manicured nails. When I went over to say congrats – she shoved some food back in her mouth, then made a comment about her nails saying, “I swear. I just got these done. My nails were filthy because I’ve been working so hard.” I said, “Hey you deserve it!” Not sure what I meant.
Brad was telling me about their honeymoon that they were departing on. And when he described all of the African beaches (?) they would be on – a projector screen in back of his head was flashing snapshots of his thoughts on the island. That’s when I realized how powerful he was. He had his sunglasses on, not to be a “Hollywood asshole” he said but to warm up his eyes for the trip. Sure thing.
Later for the final champagne toast, a large Titanic sized barge, pulled up next to the Needham Golf Club which was suddenly located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You had to swim about a mile during intense waves to get to the ship. Then Brad back in his FEMA gear would pull you on board with some Veuve Cliquot.
Then I woke up. Uh, I mean, left the wedding. It was a good time. Sorry you all couldn’t make it. I’m sure you’ll have fun weddings to go to though with really nice people that nobody knows.