Msjenkirkman’s Weblog

Entries from September 2008

Obama on Letterman Makes Me Think, WWKD?

September 12, 2008 · 3 Comments

Obama was on Letterman last night. He was charming. He was funny. He was likeable. He was geniune. He was earnest. He was smart.
BUT
I started to wonder. How would Dennis Kucinich have handled Letterman’s question about what could have been done differently on 9/11 and how to avoid an attack today?
Before you get your fingers poised to type – let me say, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW he has to be political on TV and he’ll get accused of this, that and the other. I KNOW, this is the problem with the Democrats, trying to act diplomatic, fair and set an example in a world where everyone else is cheating and winning.
This is my blog. This is my fantasy.
Now.
In this world where people fall in love with Republicans because they tell it like it is (they are lying, but people think they are hearing “straight talk”.) What if Obama did real straight talk?
I’m picturing this.
Instead of saying Giuliani did a good job, he could have said the truth. Giuliani was walking the streets because he had no office – because he put the terrorism response center in the trade towers. That’s like me keeping an emergency condom, in my fallopian tubes. TOO LATE.
Richard Clark, the terrorism expert who had decades of expertise under Reagan, Bush I and Clinton and who was already working on Bin Laden, was FIRED. He was FIRED immediately upon Bush’s entrance to the White House – for reasons of ego.
Bush ignored his daily briefings that said “Bin Laden Determined To Strike Within U.S.”
Giuliani was not well liked by the police and the firemen, they have come out and admitted it.
Now, I lived in NYC on 9/11 and I didn’t know WHAT THE FUCK to think. And I fell for it. Giuliani is my daddY! He’s telling me how to feel and what to do everyday because I’m so damn traumatized! But then I started to unthaw and listened to people and realized that although he did conduct himself with great sorrow and attended those funerals, every single freaking one of them, he was not well liked. I had not been paying attention.
I know a lot of you, who didn’t live in DC or NYC on that day, might be terrified. Some of you have even asked me how scared I was on that day, since I’m such a known neurotic.
I was not scared at all. Because in the face of real danger, I believe you see the face of God. That city was beautiful that day and not just the weather. Any person who was not physically injured rose to the occassion and there was no time for neurosis. And my feelings on life and death were so fucking crystal clear, my understanding that I have NO regrets and no true sorrow was staring me in the face. It was about other people, not me.
I have a problem with people from other states, voting for people who will “Keep them safe” when I lived it, in the unsafe city, under the president whose neglicence let this happen. Ironic that most people in NYC realize this and people who are more in need of a daddy figure to have a beer and shoot a gun with in faraway states, are so adamant about who keeps us safe and how pissed they are about 9/11. I FUCKING LOVE THIS COUNTRY and that’s why I dissent. My forefathers gave me that right. I have no party identity. I have a strong identity. I go to therapy so I can honestly look at myself. You think I really give a shit about Democrat or Republican? No. But today I do, because the Republican party has been corrupted by corporations, Karl Rove and neo-con-ism.

Anyway, Obama could have told David Letterman, as Kucinich would have, that Bin Laden’s demands and one reason behind 9/11 was that he wanted us out of Sauda Arabia. He wanted us to close the Sultan Air Base. Guess what? WE DID! Did you know that? We met his demands, after 9/11. We flew his family out of the United States in the middle of the night.
So, although Obama is right, yes, we should have stayed in Afghanistan and caught Bin Bin, it’s not that simplistic. And I just wish he could have explained it better. He could have mentioned Blackwater and how he won’t have a private army that makes 100K a year and doesn’t have to follow the Geneva convention methods of war….
Where was NORAD on that day?
SOMETHING!
How about, “I would not continue reading My Pet Goat to a classroom of children.”
Did you further know, that when Bush was reading My Pet Goat (after the second plane hit)- he says he didn’t want to stop because he didn’t want to scare the kids. He couldn’t say, “Excuse me kids, the President has to pee pee. Or the President has some important callst to take! Santa is on the line!” Instead, he did not speak to the country right away and he later took a school photo with the kids, where he openly spoke about the terrorist attack in front of them. So much for not scaring them.

But instead, Obama was charming, and didn’t want to Monday morning quarterback. But no one is asking him to say, how would you react to 9/11? Let’s bash Republicans. No. It was, tell us, how you will keep us safe because it seems so more intricate than quoting WANTED signs from the Old West.
I just think Kucinich would have been firing off facts and swinging his arms and jumping in his chair like the little Liberal Leprachaun he is. And that’s why he’s not popular. Because he makes just as much sense as Obama but he has more balls. He’s briliant. He’s such a straight talk express. And if the country, or at least the Democratic base heard him, they would cheer. He could tell them where to find the facts if anyone doubted. It might be challenging but I’d rather fight the right with FACTS and BOLDNESS than CHARM and trying to be nice. Just as Kerry and Gore how that worked for them!

Categories: Opining with my Opinion
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Reprint of Greg Palast Article

September 8, 2008 · 2 Comments

I told you people this was going to fucking happen. I’m not happy that I’m right but will you listen to me from now on? I’m reprinting this article from Greg Palast’s web site.

Obama Doesn’t Sweat. He should.

by Greg Palast

http://www.gregpalast.com/obama-doesn%e2%80%99t-sweat-he-should/#more-2056

swing-state Colorado, the Republican Secretary of State conducted the biggest purge of voters in history, dumping a fifth of all registrations. Guess their color.

In swing-state Florida, the state is refusing to accept about 85,000 new registrations from voter drives – overwhelming Black voters.

In swing state New Mexico, HALF of the Democrats of Mora, a dirt poor and overwhelmingly Hispanic county, found their registrations disappeared this year, courtesy of a Republican voting contractor.

In swing states Ohio and Nevada, new federal law is knocking out tens of thousands of voters who lost their homes to foreclosure.

My investigations partner spoke directly to Barack Obama about it. (When your partner is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., candidates take your phone call.) The cool, cool Senator Obama told Kennedy he was “concerned” about the integrity of the vote in the Southwest in particular.

He’s concerned. I’m sweating.

It’s time SOMEBODY raised the alarm about these missing voters; not to save Obama’s candidacy – journalists should stay the heck away from partisan endorsements – but raise the alarm to save our sick democracy.

And that somebody is YOU. Joining with US, the Palast investigative team. Here’s how:

We have been offered an astonishing opportunity to place the Kennedy-Palast investigative findings on a national, prime-time, major-network television broadcast. Plus, separately, we have an extraordinary offer to create a series of reports for national network radio.

But guess what? The networks will NOT PAY for our public service reports. We have to raise the start-up funds in the next two weeks to film it, record it and get it on the airwaves.

WE need YOU to fund the reports, DISSEMINATE the findings as we post the print, audio and video on the web– and ACT on it.

So, for only the second time this year, I am asking each one of you to make a tax deductible donation to the non-profit, non-partisan Palast Investigative Fund of $500, $150 or $100.

Progressives have complained for years of no opportunity to get the hard, cold sweaty truth on the air. Well, put your money where your heart and soul is.

Donate at least $500, I’ll send you every book I’ve written and every film, signed.

Send $150 and I’ll send you as a gift, a copy of John Ennis’ film Free For All, the brilliant and funny film about the Theft of Ohio. AND I’ll send you, signed, a copy of my book, Armed Madhouse, plus a copy of the BBC/Democracy Now film investigations, The Election Files and a copy of the spoken word CD Live from the Armed Madhouse all signed.

Donate $100, and I’ll send you 3 copies, one signed to you, of “The Elections Files, “ the best of our BBC/Democracy Now films – including special never-broadcast interviews with Kennedy and fired prosecutor David Iglesias.

I know you’re ponying up for your favorite candidates. But what’s the point of winning folks’ votes IF NO ONE COUNTS THEM?

Please make your donation – today. No corporation, no big foundation, is going to take on this emergency in our democracy. The election’s about to be stolen – for a third time. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

Donate today (for $1,000 minimum, we’ll list you as a Producer of our next DVD, in gratitude). Why? Because the only way to get the vote-chewing cockroaches out of the voting machinery is to turn on the lights – tell the truth on them. On prime time.

After our team busted the story of Katherine Harris’ attack on innocent Black voters as “felons,” the NAACP sued and won back their rights. The truth CAN make the difference. Yes, we can. Indeed, we HAVE.

Think all votes should be counted in America? Then YOU stand up and be counted. Don’t expect networks or commercial sponsors to pay for your democracy. Feed the truth, donate $100 right now and pass on a copy of the Elections Files to your dippy cousin who thinks Kerry lost fair and square.

Donations from our prior and only request already paid for some of our filming in the Southwest. Don’t let this story be swept under the border.

If you want more information, go to GregPalast.com, or write me directly at GregPalast.com – and hit the button, “contact Greg.”

Pass this on!

**************************

Greg Palast is a Puffin Foundation Writing Fellow for Investigative Reporting at the Nation Institute, New York. Read and view his investigations for BBC Television at www.GregPalast.com. Support the investigation at www.PalastInvestigativeFund.org

Categories: Politics
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This Week with Kirkman 9/6 – 9/11

September 7, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Hello everyone!

Here is where I’m performing this week! 
 
Saturday, September 6th @ 11pm
Twelve Shiny Nickels $8/Doors at 10:30pm (free beer)
Gardner Stages – 1501 N. Gardner Street @ Sunset
Hollywood CA 90046
 
Monday, September 8th
I am a new political pundit for a great webzine called Pop-Rock Candy Mountain!
My first article appears Monday. My bi-monthly column is called, “The Registered Independent”
For now – check out a Q&A I did in preparation for my column!
http://poprockcandymountain.com/?p=1340
 
Tuesday, September, 9th
“See You Next Tuesday” Free
Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
5919 Franklin Avenue LA CA 90028
http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/746
 
Wednesday, September 10th
R-Bar Comedy Night! Free! 9pm
3331 8th (corner of Irolo, two blocks south of Normandie & Wilshire)
 
Thursday, September 11th
The Great and Secret Comedy Show! @ 9pm
Free show! Free punch!
Hosted by The Walsh Brothers
The Improv Comedy Lab (or the old Second City Annex)
8156 Melrose Avenue West Hollywood CA 90046
 
***In other news! My comedy album SELF HELP is for sale at the Aspecialthing online store or here on iTunes!
 
***My name is on page 43 of this week’s Rolling Stone magazine! I’m mentioned as one of the narrators of the hilarious Drunk History series!
 
Coming up later this month! 826LA’s Dead Authors night! Tiger Lily! Comedy is Dead at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery!

Categories: Self Promotion

ELITE?

September 5, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I want to blog whimsically but I just can’t seem to. I want to talk more about the RNC.

From what I did see (it was hard to watch and I had a stomach flu this week, no need to aggravate it) there was lots of mention about the “elite media.”

Hmm. Well, there is Fox News which is full of opinion and not really news, more like punditry. Touche with MSNBC for the left, particularly Keith Olbermann.

You can’t really say Chris Matthews is left. He just loves drooling, women in short pencil skirts and politics. He’ll sell you or himself out in ten seconds if it means airtime and more women in pencil skirts. He said a few years back during the Iraq war, when he was impressed that we took down a statue in Baghdad, “We are all Neo-Cons now!” And now he has man-love with Obama. Maybe in three years he’ll hit on a telephone. He just doesn’t count.

The rest of the media likes to “keep them honest” but after Anderson Cooper’s heroic reporting of Katrina – I see no need for him to then do an expose on pyschic Sylvia Brown. Really? There aren’t like 35 articles of impeachment for this administration that you could “keep” people “honest” about?

Katie Couric admitted that there was pressure at her network to not question the march to war in Iraq and to not report all the facts of the war.

We don’t show coffins coming home, like we used to. It is a way to honor soldiers but I guess, who could shop (like Bush wants us to) after seeing those sad images? It’s enough to make a girl want to stay home and eat ice cream.

So, there is no “elite” media.

My family members who are right wing complain that the New York Times never reports “good news.” So……we shouldn’t start at the top with the people who make bad news with their illegal wars? Let’s just say I was totally into Iraq Part II, they didn’t send enough troops in. If they had, perhaps we would not have had a false “mission accomplished” and then a need for a “surge” years later. Just ask GWB’s daddy, he sent in the right amount of troops and Iraq I was like the 2004 World Series, something was in the air and sweeeeep!

Also – how could Obama be “elite” when he’s worth $799,000 and McCain is a millionaire? Yes, as my right-wing friends have pointed out, McCain’s wife is rich. Oh, okay. So according to that logic, you were all totally fine with Kerry’s wife being rich too, right? I seem to remember you wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the fact that Kerry was a ketchup digger.

Also, I think “elite” is code word for intelligent, code word for “they want to use facts and logic – we want to use fear and money-obsession!” “Elite” reminds me of the South’s attitude towards the industrious North in the Civil War.

And Guiliani laughed at the fact that Obama was an organizer back in the day. All those Republicans laughed as though that was not experience enough. It wouldn’t be. But Obama was 22 years old when he was a Community Organizer, then he went to law school and went back to his community and then was a senator. Um….if we’re going to play the no experience card, fine. So let’s play it fair with Sarah Palin. Oh, she doesn’t have any? Even less than the big O? But wait, what’s that you say? It’s okay? Because in high school she played basketball? ARE YOU THE FUCK KIDDING ME? In Los Angeles, if you put high school plays on your resume, you’d be laughed out of town and acting in a movie doesn’t put anyone’s life at stake and you STILL need more experience!

Honestly, if the Repubs need to cling to the underdog identity have fun. And this country is so fucking stupid – they see the party that’s been in power for 8 years and think, “Yeah, they ARE the underdog.”

I mean, if only everyone read 1984 right now – would they even see the hilarious similiarities?

Karl Rove – you gay bastard, what am I gonna do with you? No more Mrs. Nice Guy, if you are a Republican and you don’t see that your party has been stolen by corporatist, neo-cons, you are seriously flawed and I’m not playing nice anymore. Something is wrong with you.

There is a great book about it “Conservatives without Conscience” by Constituational lawyer and genius John Dean…. former conservative who helped ruin this country under Nixon. He was called the “master manipulator”. He admits that the Bushies are ten times worse than Nixon. He’s reformed. He knows that being a right-winger means you are fearful and need a strong daddy figure in office to tell you what to do. You fear this invisible enemy and yet, you are Christian and not even Jesus can comfort you from things of this Earth. You somehow have stolen Jesus and now he’s a bad-ass, Kid Rock, good ol’ boy who told you to fight and told you who he hates. Sad.

Can you listen to Randi Rhodes or Mike Malloy on Nova M Radio for at least one week and see if it doesn’t help you recover from Republicanism? You can listen live, for free on streaming internet. http://www.novamradio.com/live/register.php

Anyway, let me repeat, get your heads out of your asses.

p.s. The “non-elite” Cindy MCain’s breakdown of her outfit at the RNC (night one)
Cindy McCain
Oscar de la Renta dress: 3,000 Dollars
Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: 4,500 Dollars
Three-carat diamond earrings: 280,000 Dollars
Four-strand pearl necklace: 11,000–25,000 Dollars
Shoes, designer unknown: 600 Dollars
Total: Between 299,100 and 313,100 dollars

Categories: Politics
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Stop Voter Suppression

September 5, 2008 · 1 Comment

Blah blah, Palin, blah, Obama, left, right, lies, etc.

Never mind the conventions right now. We have to stop voter suppression. If you think this country is dumb enough to ELECT Bush twice you are wrong.

From Democrats.com:

Democrats.com was born at the August 2000 Democratic convention in Los Angeles where Al Gore was nominated for President. That November, Karl Rove and Florida’s Secretary of State Katherine Harris stole the election.

While the theft was in progress, we organized “Count Every Vote” protests all across the country, helped the Congressional Black Caucus formally object to the counting of Florida’s stolen electors (a scene made famous in “Fahrenheit 9/11″), and protested George Bush’s inauguration in Washington DC.

Please help our friends at the Secretary of State Project stop Republicans from stealing the 2008 election.
http://www.democrats.com/no-stolen-election-2008

When you pull the lever on Nov. 4, will your vote be safe? Or will it be stolen?

As the election draws closer, a quiet battle is raging all across America — the battle to protect our votes. Republican operatives are working overtime to manipulate the election, using tactics right out of Karl Rove’s playbook. Their goal: suppress Democratic voters, disenfranchise poor and minority citizens, do whatever it takes to get John McCain and Sarah Palin in the White House.

We all remember the Florida 2000 debacle. Katherine Harris handed the election to George W. Bush with her voter list “purges” and her crooked recounts. We can’t let it happen again.

http://www.democrats.com/no-stolen-election-2008

Remember Cuyahoga County, Ohio in 2004? Corrupt voting officials there suppressed thousands of Democratic votes, perhaps even enough to swing Ohio, and thus presidency. Jennifer Brunner, a Secretary of State we helped elect in 2006, fired those officials. This is exactly what a reform-minded Secretary of State must do in all counties or town where our votes are at risk. We cannot allow another “mini-Katherine Harris”to steal the 2008 election.

Personally, I’ve seen the terrible damage that corrupt elections officials can do. That’s why I helped found the Secretary of State Project in 2006. We work to elect good Secretaries of State, and then to hold them accountable. We won 5 of our 7 races in 2006, helping elect clean, progressive Secretaries of State in the key battlegrounds of Ohio, Iowa, Minnesota, New Mexico and Nevada. But our work isn’t done.

Thank you for standing up for democracy,

Becky Bond
Secretary of State Project

Categories: Politics

I am Pop-RockCandyMountain’s Pundit

September 2, 2008 · 1 Comment

I am PopRockCandyMountain’s (an awesome web-zine) political pundit during Election 2008!

Check out the teaser Q&A to my column, “The Registered Independent.”

http://poprockcandymountain.com/?p=1340

Categories: Politics
Tagged:

I Will Take the High Road After This Blog

September 1, 2008 · 5 Comments

 I feel terribly for this girl. She doesn’t want a baby. She wants a safe and legal termination during her first week of pregnancy. Now, she’s five months in and because her mom is “pro-life” (what a nasty word, as if pro choice means anti-life) now little Palin has no life.

So, I just reported that Sarah Palin’s most recent baby might actually have been her daughter’s. That may or may not be true. Either way we do know that after Sarah Palin’s water supposedly broke – she delivered a speech before heading to the hospital. Wow, you say, if you are inclined to insist on being a Republican, wow! Them women’s sure are strong! No, she’s an idiot. You don’t have a Down’s Syndrome premie and not HOP TO IT when your water breaks. That water that is breaking is the protective fluid that your baby needs – so head to the hospital honey, not the podium.

But then again when things break and water starts leaking – what else do you expect a right-winger to do! I’m surprised she didn’t go shoe shopping and see Spam-a-lot! (Condi/Katrina reference, look it up if you don’t know.)

Anyway, so now because Ms. “I eat Mooseburgers and my home looks like a taxidermy shop Palin” won’t teach her daughter anything but abstain from sex -birth control is a sin, now her daughter is pregnant.

And I’m expected to breathe a sigh of relief that, oh but wait! Her 17 year old daughter plans to marry the father. Hang on, let me wipe my tears away. That’s beautiful. Not since Romeo and Juliet have two young kids thrown their lives away.

I’m so sick of marriage and kids being rammed down my throat as “the norm” in this society – so we’re all expected to take heart that mini-Palin is getting married. Will she go to college? Contribute to society? Make sure she’s really in love with this boy so she can prevent a divorce before she’s even legally able to drink? Poor girl. Just a victim of a mother who put more effort into picking out a bearskin rug that matches her bearskin couch throw – than educating her daughter about the facts of life.

My heart goes out to daughter Palin and my fist goes up in the air against Sarah!

Categories: Politics
Tagged:

The Planet X Panic Attack

September 1, 2008 · 2 Comments

I got some hair highlights today. I seem to be going blonde again. I was overtired, under-hydrated and drinking crappy coffee when my hairdresser and I started having a conversation about things that terrify us.

I mention the tired-ness and caffeine buzz because combine those elements with the thought of a global disaster and my untimely death and I’ll have a panic attack – even with the knowledge that in ten minutes the foil on my head will produce beautiful golden highlights.

So, we talk about our usual favorite topics – ghosts, exorcisms, evil spirits, her friend that sees dead people sitting at the end of her bed, my various family members who have experienced the supernatural. That’s a warm-up. Those things don’t scare me. I mean, they terrify me. If I start thinking that there’s a dead person I can’t see staring at me and Neil’s not home, I’ll run and hide under the covers. But I won’t panic.

A panic attack is more out of control and feels like you’re dying – not that I know what dying feels like. But I imagine it involves some light-headedness and difficulty breathing.

Anyway – so we move on to is there life after death? She’s an atheist who wishes she wasn’t and she’s more concerned with being sad and bored post-death. We both decided that since she can’t define what God isn’t and I can’t define what God is, we agreed that we’re all just energy and when we die – because our brains have stopped that is the end of our emotions and awareness. From there, it’s just one big happy ball of fun that shoots around in a blissful energy stream and our consciousness cannot tell that we’re dead or missing out or getting bored in that dreadful never-ending afterlife, whatever that is.

Then we talk about nuclear war – never my favorite topic, unless I’m safely tucked in bed and it’s part of a bedtime story with a happy ending.

Then she drops some conspiracy Planet X theory mixed with a dash of The Mayan Calendar ends in 2012 spice.

I’m sure you’ve heard your own campfire version of this story. There is an unidentified planet in the solar system that’s getting closer to Earth, it’s moving fast and it’s coming! It used to exist sort of behind Pluto and now that Pluto is not a planet and not holding it’s own – here comes Planet X. It’s coming for us so fast that by 2012, it’s going to be so close to Earth that it’s going to stop our gravitational pull for a few days. And of course, this is what the Mayans were trying to convey!

What happens then? We theorized. “I think it means you lose gravity and fly up in the air.” That’s been my biggest fear my entire life, just losing control and flying away. Probably too much church growing up where people always seemed to be going to an afterlife situation full body. It’s like going to sleep in your jeans. It just seems uncomfortable at best.

Then we thought, “Maybe the pull is so strong you just get stuck to the floor and can’t move and the oceans drown us.”

Either way, all of these not-so-choice-options started to get me dizzy and realizing my lack of control and I had to wipe my sweaty palms on the hair-salon full-body bib. She got nervous too. I said, “I’m having a panic attack.” Then we laughed.

Then we went on to talk about voter fraud.

I went home and googled Planet X and it’s been disproven so many ways. The only people who have strong opinions on it also have websites with black backgrounds and their text is white and flourescent green, never a color combination that says, “expert.”

I can’t believe how easily I’ll panic just by tossing around stupid theories about global destruction. I used to be so much more easy going as of late. I know next time I get my hair done, I’ll be better prepared so I can handle what I might learn about my fate without shortness of breath.

Categories: Around L.A. and in My Head
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